Friday, February 20, 2015

Getting to know you

Another entry for the 2000AD forum short story competition with the theme of a mash up between two strips from the comic. I've gone back to a joke that I used to better effect in my Silence of the RAM story.

Getting to know you.

Quartz reached forward and pressed the intercom button on his desk.
"Right, Ms Helvetica. How many more are there to see?"

"Just the one, Mr Quartz. A nice young droid from sector 17."

"Splendid. Send him and let's wrap this up"

The door buzzed and a small service droid waddled into the room.

"Good day, young fellow. My name is Howard Quartz. Thank you for coming in today."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr Ten... Err... Mr Quartz. Thanks for seeing me.

Quartz scanned the file on his desk. "You work in one of the new con-apt mega blocks?"

"Yes, sir. I'm a maintenance and janitorial operative in Wogan block."

"Ah, Wogan. Named after the famous interviewer no doubt?"

"I'm not sure. I know he was in The Interview but I don't think that was ever weleased?"

"What? Never mind. To business. You know what we do here at Ro-Busters. We are an international search and rescue organisation with a reputation that is second to none."

"Oh yes, sir. I know all about the fabulous work you do and I'm very keen to be a part of that."

"Now, you have probably heard of our top operatives, Ro-jaws and Hammerstein? Well, they are splendid fellows, very good at what they do. But when it comes to their public relations skills they are ... how shall I put this? ... somewhat abrasive. Probably because of their background, the work they were doing before they joined us didn't really focus on customer service. So we need a droid who can be the visible persona of Ro-Busters. Someone who can deal with customers, run press conferences, deal with the media, be a cheerful presence on social media. How does that sound?"

"Absolutely, sir. I can do that. It would be such an honour to work for Wo-Busters."

"Woe-busters? That's brilliant! We can use that. 'Woe-Busters. Service that puts a smile on your face'. I knew I was paying the marketing department too much. I can see you are going to be an asset to the company already, young fellow. You're hired."

"Weally? Oh, Mr Quartz, I can't tell you what an honour it is to be the newest wecruit to the wanks of the wescue wangers. It's a dweam come twue. I've always wanted to work with Wo-Jaws and Hammerstein. It makes me want to whistle a happy tune or sing the hills are alive with the sound of music."

"Errr ... Yes, quite. Just pop through to Ms Helvetica and she'll do all the necessary wecruit..., I mean recruitment processes and sign you up. Welcome aboard, .... What was your name again?"

"Walter, sir. Walter T Wobot at your service. I'm weady and standing by for action. Can I just add one wemark?"

"Of course, Walter. Wemark, I mean remark away."

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