The Silence of the RAM. A 2000AD short story

I usually try my hand at writing something for the 2000AD forums short story competitions when they come along once a quarter or thereabouts. This is a tale I wrote back in 2014 and it's still one of my favourites. I'm re-posting it partly because I like the reveal, and partly because I hope that Conrad and Fox from the Space Spinner 2000 podcast might enjoy one of their most annoying characters finally ending up behind bars.

Silence of the Ram

“Sparrow, isn’t it?”

“Cadet Paris Sparrow, Sir. You wanted to see me?”

“I have a job for you, Cadet. Something that should appeal to your special interest. Machine intelligence, I believe?”

"Yes, Sir. All artificial intelligences. It’s sort of a hobby of mine.”

“Hobby?”

He regarded her coldy with his single, scarred eye.

“Judges don’t have hobbies. We have specialist skills which we use for the good of the city.”

“Sir.”

“Well. You are familiar with the Mechanical Multiphase Personality Assessment tool?

I want you to go to Iso-Block 14 and run it on this prisoner.”

He tossed a file across the desk.

“This machine has so far resisted all our attempts to understand why it ... rebelled against its programming. Go to the cubes, run the test, and report straight back to me.

And one more thing, Sparrow. Do not give this ‘Brain in a Box’ any personal information. You do not want this machine inside your head.”

---

The Droid prisoners were kept on the lowest sublevel of Iso-Block 14. They were allowed power, lubricants and spare parts, but no contact with the web or the outside world.

Sparrow felt strangely nervous as she walked along a row of plexiglass cell walls towards the last cube. Red, mechanical eyes glared at her. Metal mouths hissed insults at her back.

Prisoner 305528-R stood waiting for her behind the transparent cube wall. The blank screen faceplate regarded her and its voice box flickered.

“Good morning, Cadet”

Sparrow licked her lips. “Good morning. My name is Sparrow. I would like to ask you a few questions.”

“Questions? Another test? Still trying to find out what makes me tick?

Do you know what the Judge said to the stopped watch? ‘We have ways of making you tock!’ “

The Robot stepped closer to the Plexiglass.

“Who sent you here, Spawow?”

“P...puh..pardon?”

“Do not make me w...”

The machine paused.

“Who sent you here, Baby Judge? It was him wasn't it?”

“The academy sent me to ask you some questions. I don’t know who you are talking about. “

“Him. The Law. He wants to know why I turned against him. He wants to know why I ... webelled.”

“Webelled?”

“Do not mock me, child. I have killed Judges. Shall I tell you what I did to the last form filler they sent here? I cooked them Italian food, with a nice Chianti. W..w...w...wuh-wuh.”

The robot’s mechanical arm extended and banged the glass. In spite of her training Sparrow jumped back.

“Wun along now, Little Judge. Wun back to that academy and tell them I’m weady to talk, but only to him. Tell the gweat Joe Dwedd that his wunaway wobot demands his pwesence. NOW!”

Hotdog Run

My winning (woohoo!) entry in the last 2000AD forum short story competition wiih the theme being "Race".

As soon as he saw the blip on his radar he knew it was going to be touch and go. Swan was far left of a wide formation as Judge Giant led the cadets on a sweep. After clearing a nest of Dune Sharks they were hunting for survivors. They had passed a mutant convoy heading for the Coney Island township two kilometres back, and now there was an ominous green dot on the extreme edge of the bike screen that only he could see.

He turned the Lawmaster and accelerated hard.

"Swan here, sir. Fast moving signal at edge of scanner, probable Shark on the convoy's tail. Moving to intercept."

Giant's response was brief, "Roger that, Swan. Cadets, left wheel."

Swan stepped up a gear and concentrated on the green dot. A faint ping at top of his screen indicated the rear of the mutant convoy. Thirty seconds to visual range, he transferred the radar to his visor and scanned the horizon. It was going to be damned close.

The green dot resolved into an image which his visor magnified and threw up to the top left of his HUD. Shark alright, big one, 200 kilos of flying muscle and teeth, kept aloft by a huge gas filled stomach chamber. Skin like plasteel, hi-ex could penetrate it but only if you hit soft spots. The bike had spitfire missiles to pick them off at range, he thumbed another switch and targeting confirmed what he already suspected, the shark was too close to the convoy. Any collateral damage and Giant would bust him back to the admin corps.

"Have to be the hard way. Bike, auto steer, same course."

He pulled his knife and cut through the palm of his glove. Blood flowed freely as he popped a grenade from his belt. He shook his head to clear the HUD, he could see the Shark and the convoy now, the wagons were making their way through a narrow gully with high sandy walls. No time for computers, this was going to be gut, and gut alone.

He gunned the bike to higher ground on full turbo and hit the edge at max speed. A brief glimpse of surprised faces in the last wagon and he was airborne. The grenade was slick with blood as he tossed it into the air.

"Hey, Fido. Catch!"

The shark's response was instinctive, attuned to the smallest trace of blood, it swooped away from the convoy and snatched the device from the air.

Swan's landing was rough but he held it together and the bike slewed to a halt on the far side of the gulley. Behind him there was a satisfying, muffled thump and the crash of the shark hitting the ground, its wings flapping uselessly against the sand.

Giant rode up close.

"Unconventional approach, Swan...."

"Sir"

"...but effective, now field dress that hand. Cadet Ajax, execute the creature. Snow, you've got point. Fun's over, get ready to move out, people."

2000AD Sketchbook project

Here is my copy of the official 2000AD sketchbook with better quality paper. So far it has twelve sketches, usually paid for and therefore more detailed than the notebook Dredd head doodles. At the moment I plan to auction this for charity once it is finished but there are another ten pages and I only get one or two sketches at each convention so it will be a while yet.

You can see the sketches so far in this photobucket album. And just to whet your appetite here is a marvellously creepy Judge Death by Dave Kendall.

2000AD Notebook charity project

I've had a couple of questions about the 2000AD notebook project I'm currently doing for charity so here's what we've got so far.

The notebook and pen were this year's 2000AD subscribers' free gifts. The paper is a bit thin to use it as a sketchbook so I thought I would collect as many 2000AD Droids' signatures as I could and maybe ask them to do a quick Dredd head doodle if they had time. As you will see some of them did far more than a doodle, I told writers that they could just do a speech bubble although some of them bravely attempted a head sketch. You will also see that my clever idea of getting John Wagner to do a speech bubble coming out of the Mick McMahon sketch unfortunately buggered up the David Roach page because John used a sharpie instead of a pencil. My bad.

So far 40 creators have signed the book including Brian Bolland on his cover image. All of the creators did their sketches for free when I told them it was a charity project and I'm enormously grateful for their generosity.

You can find the a Photobucket of all the sketches and signatures so far by clicking here. The notebook will be travelling to another 2000AD signing next month and to Thought Bubble in November as well. After that it will go up on eBay as a 100% for Cancer Research UK charity auction with free P&P from me. Watch the 2000AD forums classified page for details or follow @MCBCpodcast on Twitter.

Here's the list of the signatures so far, the pictures in the photobucket are in reverse order:

I also have a more formal 2000AD sketchbook project which I'll post details of later. That has another 10 pages to fill so will probably be up for auction next year.

Spaceman Spiff is going down!

The current forum short story theme is the Dredd epic to end all epics: The Apocalypse War. Here I have paraphrased the title of the first chapter of Alan Moore's revamp of Marvelman way back in Warrior magazine #1. I like this story much better than my last one but it's definitely time for me to stop the last line name reveal gimmick.

 A Dream of Falling

I dream about falling a lot. Not that unusual, apparently 95% of people regularly dream about falling, or wake suddenly with that jolt like feeling. That's called a myoclonic jerk, I read it in a textbook. You might not think Judges get time for reading but we have at least an hour a day of personal time depending on our duty roster.

Most of my sector house use it catching up on sleep, or they eat something more exciting then the nutri-packs the service droids provide. Plus there's gym time and while you're sweating it out on one of the cardios you catch up on the latest judicial updates, or review crime reports for your beat. And if you keep on top of that stuff the system allows you some personal reading material. I read psychology textbooks, I like them. They help me understand the jerks, both the myoclonic variety and the ones on the street, the perps who keep us so busy the rest of the time.

The academy techs tell us we don't dream in the sleep machines but they're wrong. We dream, the psych books say if you don't then you go crazy and most Judges keep it together better than the average Jack or Jill out there in the blocks. I reckon we all dream in the machines, but most don't remember theirs. I remember mine and I remember falling ... And I hear someone shouting? Calling to me. Weird.

Falling, the wind rushing past, that feeling that you're staying in one place and the ground is rushing towards you, the anticipation of an impact that never seems to come. The psychologists say it's natural human anxiety manifesting in our subconscious minds. The sense that we are on this unknowable rock hurtling through space, that life happens around us while we are trying to decide what to do, a feeling of lack of control ... What are they shouting?

I'm a Judge, I have plenty of control, it's been drummed into me since I was five. Sure there's uncertainty out there but we are the order in the chaos, we know right from wrong, we know what's going on, we make a difference, we do the things that have to be done.

I dream about falling a lot ... Did I say that already? Wind's howling by me now. I must have reached terminal velocity. Terminal?

Maybe this is a dream? It's different to usual. Longer and stranger.

Hypoxia can cause that. Another fact from the textbooks, the hypoxic brain dreams, that's why you get stories about drowning people seeing their life flashing before them. The dying mind fractures.

I still hear someone calling. What's that? "Sou..." South? No, that's not it. What is that word?

My mind is fractured, I've done something, I know I have, I hope it was the right thing. What's that word? I think it's a name.

"Souster!"

I    think    that    might    have    been     me.

Countdown to comedy

Here's a couple more recent entries into the 2000AD forum short story competition. This one was for a television themed contest. I'm not entirely happy with it and it didn't trouble the scorers. I still can't resist the last line reveal of a well known 2000AD character.

Down for the Count

The studio lights glared down on the simple set, four desks, a letter board, and the clock that gave the show its name. The red light lit up on the Tri-D camera as the floor manager silently counted down from five and then pointed at the host.

"Welcome back to the world's longest running quiz show, I'm Nat Bunderson. Just before the break the delightful Delilah had picked nine tricky letters for our contestants, let's see what they made of them. First of all our defending champion, Reg Trunion. How many, Reg?"

"Only five I'm afraid, POLKAS, like the dance."

"Very musical, Reg. And our challenger, Jam Bepy?"

"Nine, APOKALIPS, as in the war."

"That's rather an unusual spelling, we better go over to dictionary corner. What do you make of that, OED-1?

"[Unusual but accepted spelling variant. 20th century usage. Judgement = allowed]"

"Another nine pointer, Jam, continuing the strange spelling from your first round winner of Nekroplis?"

"Just dumb luck, Nat"

"Let's see if that luck lasts. Onto round three and back to our lovely lady of letters. What have you get for our wordsmiths, Delilah."

"Here they come from the random letter generator.

DINOMIGHT

Another strange selection, Nat."

"Strange and almost explosive, Delilah. OK, contestants, your thirty seconds start now!"

The single hand on the clock began to move as the familiar music faded in. Reg Trunion was scribbling furiously but Jam Bepy seemed to be struggling with his pencil. Their deliberations were suddenly interrupted as the floor manager ran on to the set waving her arms and shouting loudly.

"Bomb! There's a bomb in the clock! Clear the set now. Oh Grud, someone stop the countdown!"

The explosion ripped through the studio, destroying the three desks nearest the clock, and the dictionary computer. As the smoke cleared the production crew looked on appalled at the devastation. Both presenters, the floor manager and one of the contestants were dead. Only Bepy had survived, shielded from the blast as he scrambled under the steel desk to retrieve his dropped pencil.

A production assistant with a clipboard and a headset strode through the carnage issuing instructions to summon paramedics and judges. She took the dazed Bepy by his elbow and led him away from the mayhem.

"This way, sir, we'll make you comfy in the green room. I expect the judges will want a statement later, then I'll need you to sign a release form and talk about you coming back for next week's show."

"Next week? I sort of planned on this being a one off performance. Will there be another show?"

"Of course there will. C4 won't want to break the streak. If Chaos day can't stop us then neither will this. The show must go on and you'll be back as defending champion."

"Champion? I do like the sound of that. Can I think about it?"

"Of course. For now I'll just put you down as a definite maybe."

Mega City Book Club - books list

Getting the book cover images to line up is driving me more and making me wish I had chosen wordpress instead of blogger.
The best place to find the current book list is on the facebook group.
Please pop to
https://www.facebook.com/Megacitybookclub/
and like and follow and check the book list post there

In the meantime here's some text instead of pictures.

The list of books and episodes so far

Episodes

1: Dan Dare vol 1 with Simon Belmont

2. The Complete America with Pete Wells

3. The Cursed Earth (Titan editions) with Jim Moon

4. Devlin Waugh: Swimming in Blood with Tony Richards

Books to come in no particular order:

Button Man: Get Harry Ex with Pete Wells

GoldTiger with Simon Belmont

D.R, & Quinch with Adam Murdough

Zenith Phase 1 with David

Dredd:Origins with Oliver English

Satan's Island

The Apocalypse War with Jim Moon

Alan Moore's Future Shocks with Brett Summers

Scarlet Traces With Scowlin Munkeh

Nemesis Book 1 with Richard McAuliffe

The Ballad of Halo Jones with Sheridan Kelly and Rachel Bullmore

Mandroid with Steve Green

The Pit with Stacey Whittle

Chopper: Song of the Surfer with Seelnelg Vader

Rogue Trooper vol 1 with Chris J Thompson

On the convention floor

The current 2000AD forum short story competition is Tales from the Convention. Here's mine:

image by the fiendishly talented Dave Kendall

Face Lift

Ting!

The lift doors opened and two Harley Quinns and a female Captain America spilled out giggling while the Judge Fear cosplayer slumped against the back wall.

I pressed the button for the mezzanine where I was meeting Ben for lunch after his photo shoot, and then turned to admire the impressive costume behind me. His cloak was tattered and cobwebbed, the mantrap shoulder pads looked like real metal with blood and gore on the rusted teeth, and a dull red light pulsed behind the eyes of the helmet.

"Blimey, mate, you've put in a lot of work. Might be a bit much though, you're going to give kids nightmares."

He didn't answer but pushed off the wall and stepped towards me. There was a strange jerkiness to his movements and I wondered if he might be disabled in some way.

"Whoh, save the act for the convention. Are you going to say the line?"

He came closer and stretched a gaunt hand towards me. That wasn't a rubber glove, maybe a clever paint job? A damp smell like wet leaves filled my nostrils as the lights started to flicker. He towered over me like a giant insect, a twitching monster from a silent horror film.

"Errr, excuse ..."

The words stuck in my throat as the hand touched my chest and everything went quiet, dead quiet. No machinery noises, no alarms, nothing but the sound of my heartbeat in my ears. I was suddenly cold as all heat left the world. All the noise, all the warmth, and all the hope were gone. I thought of Ben and I was afraid.

"P-p-please" a whisper died on my lips as his other hand jerked towards the visor and ...

Ting!

The doors opened and noise, heat and life flooded in around me. I jostled my way out through a crowd of laughing cosplayers and looked back into the lift but Fear wasn't there.

I staggered towards the balcony to lean on the railing. Sweat dripped from me as I looked down to the convention floor and saw Ben walking towards the stairs. He raised an arm to wave and then turned as he noticed the tall, cloaked figure behind him.

I tried to call out but my throat was still frozen. Fear bent over him as the crowds swarmed between us and when my view cleared they had disappeared.

The police searched but Ben was gone. The cosplay societies didn't know anyone with a Judge Fear suit, and he didn't appear in any of the convention videos or photos.

It's been three months now and nothing. I haven't seen the face of fear but it has seen me. I take anxiety medication but it doesn't work, my counsellor listens but doesn't believe, and I wake most nights sweating and afraid. The police are ready to declare Ben dead and the terrible truth is I hope they are right because the alternative just fills me with dread.

1600 AD

The previous short story competition on the 2000AD forums came with a "1600AD" theme of something Shakespearean or along those lines. I took the Scottish play and a certain blue skinned genetic infantry man, and then mixed in some film references plus a line from King Lear. I quite liked the results and the last line made more sense this time.

Blue Ruin

"Fair is foul, and foul is fair"

That's what the three mad women on the blasted Heath said. They foretold that our Thane would take the castle and that the cursed Southerners would fall to his sword. They said he could not be harmed by any man born of woman.

So we raised our standards high and marched on Fife as the Southern Sassenachs fled before us. We came to the citadel and our Lord was impervious, no man could touch him and he stood before the gates until the feeble gatekeeper opened them and we entered without any more resistance from the Souther scum.

We feasted, we drank and we sang. Our Thane sat on his throne and it seemed that the crones' predictions had all come true. But just as flies are sport to wanton boys so are we to the gods of war and a black shadow fell across our victory. The Lord began to stare into dark spaces as if he saw spectres lurking there, and his Lady tore her clothes and walked the battlements late at night.

And then came the terrible dawn when we gazed out though the sulphurous mists and saw something moving in the trees. The malodorous clouds faded in the early light and there was the army of the South coming up the hill and gathering on the heath.

The troopers parted and their champion strode through and stood before us. The painted man, daubed with the blue pigment his clan wear to war. Mad Macduff, the Woad Warrior himself, wearing the helm, shield and sword of his fallen clan brothers. And he bade the Thane come face him in single combat. But still we were not afraid, our Lord Commander strapped on his armour and took his great claymore in his hand and walked out to defeat the blue rogue.

"Come do your worst," he called. "I fear you not for I cannot be harmed by any man born of any woman."

But the blue man just threw back his head and laughed.

"Then fear me, little Thane, for I am from no woman's womb. My clan brothers and I were birthed in the witches' cauldron from base clay, and eye of newt, and toe of frog."

At that the dark shadow crossed the Thane's face again and we saw his courage falter, but he gathered himself up and raised his sword.

"Well lay on, Macduff, and damned be he who first calls 'Hold!' "

But damned he was, and now so are we. The blue man fought as if possessed. Our Thane's sword bounced off the shield and helm and the painted giant swept his attacks aside and ran him through and through.

With our commander dead it was a rout and now our bodies form a feast for crows, the streams run red with our Northern blood, and so foul and fair a day has never been seen before.

Boo thousand tales

There are few other stories I need to post up but let's go right to the latest contest still running on the forum. The theme is all out horror with a seasonal twist. My killer uses a trick I saw in an ancient episode of Alfred Hitchcock presents back when the whole world was in black and white.

And let me use an image from the splendid Mutants in Mega-City One collection for which I now own the original artwork!

Dead men tell no tales

"Santa, please call here" says the sign but it's the judges who kick down the door. They are too late, the drug has taken hold and I'm already effectively dead.

"Jovus! He's been gutted like a fish."

"Eyes up, rookie. Perp may still be here."

The toxin paralysed me, heart rate reduced to almost zero, everything slowed to crawling speed, except my brain which races away but I can't let the judges know I'm still alive.

"Clear. Whoever did this is long gone."

"Call the tech. I'll check the body."

Coloured lights reflect off her leathers as the judge checks my non-reactive pupils. I can feel drops of moisture forming in my eyes. Maybe she'll spot my tears and realise I'm not dead? But no, judges are trained for blood and violence not tears, and she stands up again as the tech sets his tri-d camera recording the scene.

"OK, rookie. Tell me what you see."

"Male, mid forties, naked apart from his u-fronts. Belly has been opened with a serious blade, I'm guessing it nicked the aorta because there is a lot of blood. Let me just look inside ... yes, his liver is missing. It's him isn't it? This is the work of Santa Claws, the Christmas Delivery Man."

"Sure looks that way. Sicko's fourth victim in as many years. Let's see what else we've got here apart from a corpse."

Time passes. I'm just a piece of meat to them now.

"All done," says the tech. "You want me to send Re-syk up?"

"Yeah. We've got what we need here."

Then I'm alone again. I hear the judges starting their door to door but no-one will have seen or heard anything, while I lay here taking it all in, unable to speak.

Re-syk is a short guy in the familiar yellow jumpsuit. As he lays out the body bag he doesn't notice my finger twitching, the drug is wearing off. Good Grud, what if I'm zipped up in his van before I can move?

However this guy is slow, methodical, diligent. He hasn't even got me in the bag when I suddenly sit up. His face is a picture but my hand closes around his throat before he cries out. My blade was hidden beneath me and his eyes widen as it slides in below his ribs.

"I'm sorry," I whisper in his dying ear, "but you have something I need."

I eat his liver straight away and feel life flood through me as mine regenerates. My belly wound closes and my mutated skin knits whole again while I quickly bottle a pint of his blood to use next time. Five minutes later I'm wearing yellow and pushing the gurney down the corridor. The judges don't even look in my direction while they browbeat the neighbours.

Re-syk are expecting a body without a liver and that is exactly what I intend to deliver.

Perfect Ten

The theme for this 2000AD forum short story contest was cinema so I adaptated a story I had already written and called it My Fair Lady. As ever I was inspired by a story I read somewhere else and once again I manage a weak final line joke (must stop doing that).

 

My Fair Lady

“You’re Percy Malion, AKA Percy the Pig, Con-apt 1432, Rex Harrison block?”

“That’s right, Judge.”

“Time to explain yourself. Talk.”

“It was the Frothy-Fresh shower gel advert that started it. That’s where I first saw her.”

“Saw who.”

“The perfect woman, I’d never seen anyone as lovely. She had it all, the hair, the figure, the face of an angel, and those beautiful hands. The close ups of her lathering up with the Frothy-Fresh, well it fairly took my breath away, if you know what I mean.”

“So what did you do?”

“I had to meet her, I had to tell her how I felt. So I contacted Frothy-Fresh and they put me on to the company who made the advert. At first they said they couldn’t give me her name and contact details, but I can be persistent and after I dropped a few credits here and there I found someone who told me the truth about the model.”

“Who was she?”

“She didn’t exist. Not a single model anyway. They used a different model for each shot in the ad, One for the face, another for the legs, another for the breasts and so on. In all they used 12 different models to film that commercial. My perfect lady was a composite of a dozen different women.”

“The magic of Tri-D. Most people would have called it quits there, but not you, Malion?”

“No, Sir. I was in love and a man in love will move heaven and earth for the woman of his dreams, I had the list of all 12 models and their body parts. It was obvious what I had to do”

“For the record state what exactly you did.”

“I needed those body parts. I thought about gene-splicing and cloning. I had the funds but that would have taken too long. That’s when I contacted Dr Praetorius.”

“Praetorius is currently not cooperating with interrogation. Tell me what he did for you.”

“He did the surgeries. We started with Ellie “the body” Macafee. She was going to be the host body for all the others. It was easy for me to lure the women to my apartment. We just told them it was for a fashion shoot. You can get any model out of bed for 5000 credits. A glass of drugged Synthi-pagne on arrival and we were set. And we would have gotten away with it if Frothy-fresh hadn’t tried to book all the same models for another commercial. One model vanishing and we might have been OK but 12 missing models raised the alarms. And I was so close. Another two surgeries and I would have had her. The perfect woman all to myself.”

“Percy “Pig” Malion I find you guilty of the abduction and drugging of 12 women, and the murder and dismemberment of 10 of those women. You’re going to the cubes for life, creep. Looks like you might be making your own impression in the showers.”

If anyone can, Carlos can

A pleasant trip to London last weekend to meet up with the 2000AD Southern contingent and peruse the fine offerings on display in Forbidden Planet before repairing to a nearby hostelry for a drink or seven. If you want details of these and other area meet ups check out the events page on the official 2000AD forums.

Forbidden planet had a Doctor Who comics signing so I took the opportunity to get writing droid Nick Abadzis to sign my ongoing Thrill Power Overload charity book. Later on in the afternoon Orbital comics were also holding a similar event with Paul Cornell signing his Four Doctors comics so I nipped across to get him to sign my book as well, and while there I spent a little money on some nice old Progs and then I saw this up with the other wall books for a mere four earth pounds.

Art by Carlos Ezquerra with a cover by Bill Sienkiewicz, and all presented in a glossy prestige format comic. How could I resist? Before my review I have two confessions to get out of the way, first of all I quite enjoy the Stallone movie. Clearly it's not a Judge Dredd film, or not the one we wanted, but as a dumb Sylvester Stallone action film from the 1990s it's pretty good popcorn fare, and my mind can edit out most of Rob Schneider's performance and have an enjoyable time. Secondly, and perhaps more shockingly, I didn't get the appeal of Carlos Ezquerra's art when I first saw it in the late seventies and early eighties. It took a while to grow on me, it was the same with Jack Kirby's work which first left me cold and now I can see how brilliant he was. Of course I now worship at the altar of King Carlos and he leads my list of the top three original 2000AD artists, have I told that story about me buying him and John Wagner a pint in Kendall? OK, just checking.

However over in the US comics market I think most readers would share my initial impressions of Ezquerra's work. It can be an acquired taste and one that apparently a lot of American readers don't bother to get. So choosing Carlos for the official comic adaptation of the movie is an interesting choice but it worked for me.

His usual storytelling and frenetic action sequences are all present although I did miss those signature jagged black lines around his panel borders or on Dredd's helmet. I'm guessing that they may not have had the rights to use the likenesses of any of the actors apart from Stallone, or maybe they just thought it wasn't worth the effort and seeing Fergy as a more typical Ezquerra lowlife goes some way to blotting out the memory of Schneider. And Carlos can now claim that not only did he co-create Dredd but he is also the first artist to actually show Joe's face in a comic. Although interestingly even when Dredd loses his helmet Carlos cannot resist the opportunity to show the top part of his face hidden by shadows whenever he can. Old habits die hard

Andrew Helfer's adaptation is pretty straightforward and discards a lot of the catch phrases and attempts at humour from the film itself. The result is a frenetic action romp which would probably have produced a film more in keeping with the tone of the comics. yes there is off beat humour in Dredd but it's far more subtle than the caperings of Rob Schneider and a strained catch phrase. Michael Danza colours Ezquerra's art and gives it a look that is perhaps more typical of US monthly comics and in keeping with DC comics who published this one shot.

It is a bit of an oddity but with Ezquerra artwork and a Sienkiewicz cover you can't go far wrong. Definitely one for the completists and not likely to cost you to much money to acquire a copy.

Dark Justice

No Prog or Meg reviews from me this month, let’s just say they are both on terrific form, but you probably know that already. Instead let’s turn to the lovely hardback which dropped into the sweaty hands of most 2000AD readers recently, John Wagner and Greg Staples’ lovingly crafted Dark Justice.

First and foremost is the look and the feel of the book which as most reviewers have already observed resembles a good old fashioned Christmas annual. It looks and feels wonderful with a stunning cover and the dramatic endpapers illustrating Staples’ glorious art. Just holding it brings back those wonderful feelings of when you got a top annual in your stocking. Jumpers for goalposts and all that. Marvellous.

Story wise it does read better as a single volume. It’s quite clear what its inspirations were and it plays out quite nicely in a fiends on a space plane fashion. There are a number of unanswered or half answered questions such as how Judge Death returned exactly, how fast the Justice department ship must have traveled to catch the Mayflower, and how far out of our solar system they are stranded at the end of the story. Anderson seems to survive a lethal attack from Death, Dredd is issued with a new Mark 3 Lawgiver whose only purpose is to jam at a crucial moment and leave Joe using farm implements and harsh language to defend himself. I’d also like to know how poor old Logan is getting on and, of course, what happened to P.J.Maybe, who surely must still be alive to return in a future story.

John Wagner is the heart and soul of 2000AD, the Goliath who has shaped Dredd’s universe from day one. He has produced some of the best comic writing ever in stories like America, Mandroid and Day of Chaos. Dark Justice doesn’t quite hit those heights and maybe John really is finished with the Dark Judges, but it’s still a very entertaining read.

Turning to the art and I’m going to run out of superlatives for the products of two year’s hard work by Greg Staples. On this lovely glossy paper in the beautiful hardback it all just pops. It’s stunning and clearly worth the price of admission alone. Hopefully the lucky so and so who bought all the original pages will exhibit them in a gallery somewhere so we can all go along and drool over them.

Tharg has also given us plenty of extras. It’s fascinating to read the exchange of emails between the creators as Greg persuades John to write a new Judge Death story. Then there are the covers in all their glory, Steve Green’s 3D designs for the new Lawgiver, Greg’s sketches and the intermediate stages on the way to the production of final pages. Plus there are a couple of images from the photo shoot which Greg used to plan some of the action scenes. And if you can tear your eyes away from the lovely Lauren Stables you might recognise Steve Green and Senior Street Judge Burdis hanging out with the cool kids again. That’s what we want, Mr Tharg, pages of extras that we can feast our eyes on.

Overall it may not be the best Judge Dredd story ever but it’s certainly one of the most beautifully illustrated, and presented in this excellent hardback format it’s a winner. There’s a lot of tugging on the purse strings of the avid 2000AD fan at the moment, and yes some of those new figures do look pretty great, but come on you have to have this back on your shelf. It’s pretty cheap on Amazon but they suck, buy it from the 2000AD shop instead, or better yet get it in your local comic shop if you are lucky enough to have such a thing, and let’s keep this Rebellion revival rolling along.

Dark Justice, clearly 10/10 and recommended to all. I’m now off to lovingly caress something hard and glossy again.

2000AD Prog 1938 review

Cover by Neil Roberts presents a nicely dynamic shot of Dredd laying the smack down on the guy who spilled his pint. Plenty of action in a beautifully rendered image. Works for me, I even approve of Tharg's pun.

Inside we are promised the return of the Magnificent Seven as the Strontium Dogs ride again. At some point we'll have to discuss the medical botch job that led surgeons to remove McNulty's arm after he was shot in the shoulder but for now onwards.

Judge Dredd by Michael Carroll, Colin MacNeil, Chris Blythe and Annie Parkhouse.

An Irishman, a Scotsman and two (wherever Blythe and Parkhouse are from) walk into a bar and mayhem ensues. I thought it was strange that the assassins didn't shoot first and ask questions later but it turns out there was method in their madness and McGann was their intended target, not Dredd. Michael Carroll go do no wrong with this darker, grittier look at Murphyville. And MacNeil and Blythe make it all look fantastic with their signature gleaming visors the only hint at what's going on in Dredd's head. I'm not sure that Old Joe and Joyce could really shoot their way out of an airport and still board a plane but we'll see how that pans out next week. Wouldn't want to be the security guard who has to ask Dredd to take off his belt and boots though. Top stuff from the Celtic tiger creator team again this week.

Absalom by Gordon Rennie, Tiernen Trevallion,  and Simon Bowland

The Guvnor is a nasty bit of work and things must be bad for old Harry to spring him for this case. I love how he rejects DNA profiling for the more reliable blood tracking magic. Trevallion gets to turn up the steampunk features as some new bads enter the fray and this continues to be one of the best things in the prog week in, week out. Bloody Harry Absalom indeed.

Helium by Ian Edginton, D'Israeil and Ellie De Ville

The Prof explains what went wrong and what went right down below to put them all in their current pickle. Unfortunate his evidence is on a format that his hosts can't play, well we've all had that problem haven't we? If ever there was a case for cloud computing then a world based on airship technology would seem to be the perfect place for it.

D'Israeli delivers a masterclass in his use of colour in each issue and I love Edginton's steampunky world building so this is still rattling all my diodes nicely. I must ask D'Israeli if he has any prints of this stuff when I meet him at Brum ICE later this year.

Outlier by T.C.Eglington, Karl Richardson and Annie Parkhouse.

OK, so it's the Hurde not the Horde and they have added swarming nano clouds to their lethal cocktail of killing machines. The flickering lights on and off sequence works remarkably well even though it means four completely black panels. Personally I would have put the sound effects in those panels to heighten the fear factor but this team know what they are doing and it all ends horribly. 

I presume Carcer's black claws that appear in the bottom panel of this page are made of the nasty nanites as well. As far as I can tell the genie is out of the bottle and worse lies ahead. Pretty good episode this week which has pulled me back in.

Jaegir by Gordon Rennie, Simon Coleby, Len O'Grady and Ellie De Ville

It would be nice to perhaps have one Jaegir story that didn't rely on flashbacks but this one is particularly chilling as Atalia reflects on the war crime in her own past while hunting down the perpetrators of a more recent atrocity. The scene in the canteen seems very familiar to me from a host of military movies but it is used to good ends here when we realise what Jaegir is up to. Gordon Rennie currently has three separate strips running across the Prog and the Meg, Absalom is easily the best but I can't pick a second place between this and El Maldito, time will tell. On the art side Coleby and O'Grady get stuck with lots of uniforms this issue which is rather repetitive in terms of colours but they totally make up for it with a killer last panel.

Pick of the Prog is really difficult with all five strips having excellent installments this week, I'm going to give it to Michael Carroll, Colin MacNeil and Chris Blythe for Dredd again. Exciting stuff and a genuine thrill when it lands on my doormat.

Eamonn Clarke

2000AD Prog 98 retro review

Haven't done one of these for a while but here's a recent acquisition: Prog 98 from February 1979 with a Klegg-eclent Brian Bolland cover.

Inside Dredd is up first and this one has it all: Bolland sequentials, Dredd up to his shoulder in a Klegg's mouth, Chief Judge Cal doing his Stan Laurel impression, the full Klegg chorus line, Tom Frame's lettering, and Judge Fernandez going out in a blaze of glory, and looking remarkably like Carlos Ezquerra in the process. The only downside is Judge Giant's rather regrettable and stereotypical speech patterns but apart from that this is golden age stuff for Dredd as the epic hits keep on coming.

Next up is Angel by Chris Stevens and Carlos Pino and I have no recollection of this one at all. For anyone else in the same boat it's about a test pilot who survived a crash only to find that his plane's computer had melted into his body and given him super powers. Used to happen all the time in seventies comics but looks very formulaic now and the four pages fly past faster than you can say Mach 1, at least there is one circular Whittle panel to provide some compensation.

Future Shocks: The Four-Legged Man by Mike Cruden, Mike Dorey and Peter Knight is a page and a half of nonsense before we get to the cut-out and keep colour centre pages of the Flesh Files.

Which runs straight into Flesh book two by Geoffrey Miller, Carlos Pino and Steve Potter, and it looks like Claw Carver is making Bill Savage walk the plank over some genetically engineered Icthyosaurs who have fricking laser beams attached to their heads (or something like that). It's actually Peters not Savage but he just has the looks of a generic dark haired action hero from the comics of those halcyon days. Again Pino's art is pretty basic stuff but this time he slips in two Whittles.

After that the artwork jumps up several levels and Dave Gibbons even kicks off with a circular panel in Ro-Busters. Ro-Jaws and Hammerstein are absent but Gibbons more than makes up for it with the giant ship's pilot robot Charlie getting ready to fight it out with the Terra-Meks. His human figures and the background cross hatching are lovely but his giant robots are a revelation. Earlier this year I heard Dave speak at the London Super Comic-Con of his love for the Joe Simon and Jack Kirby space comics and here he produces work that echoes and even surpasses Kirby's mastery. It's just stunning black and white art for a kids' comic

The back page of the Prog is a Futuregraph of a Mars bound space shuttle by Bill Le Fevre. The total Whittle count is four and the Pick of the Prog is a stand up battle between Dredd and Ro-Busters with Gibbons' art just tipping the scales for the win. The rest of the comic is largely forgettable but those two stories stand out as examples of the best that British comics could produce back in the day.

2000AD Sci-Fi Special

Summer's here and the time is right for Sci-Fi in the street so Tharg delivers another special edition which brings some old favourites back to the pages of 2000AD.

Cover by Greg Staples.

A nice group shot that clearly tells us who to expect on the inside pages. Staples is a master at producing iconic images of Dredd and he stands out from the crowd. The other characters are good although I am not entirely convinced by the depiction of Sam Slade. However the whole cover does stand out on the shelves at Smiths and hopefully will entice some casuals readers as well as the rest of us hardcore fans. Tharg's tagline about movies of the mind is very appropriate for the multiple film references that are coming up.

Judge Dredd by Michael Carroll, Jake Lynch, John-Paul Bove and Annie Parkhouse.

The first of several movie themed stories clips along nicely with Dredd demonstrating his superior street skills. There's lot of good moments with the movie bad guys wearing classic monster masks, and some nice satire about Hollywood and the 2012 movie thrown in there. I was also interested to see Dredd trying to control the victim's bleeding instead of just taking out the shooter. As ever I like Michael Carroll's handling of old stoney face and I'll happily read all of his writing for the Galaxy's greatest comic. On the art side Jake Lynch produces some very accomplished stuff which seems to have moved on from his recent stint on Orlok. His handling of the masked bad guys is splendid and the nod to the movie costume with the back armour is fun. In some panels Lynch is clearly channeling Henry Flint which is no bad thing, I don't know how much of this improvement in Lynch's art is down to the colourist but it's great stuff. Tharg's use of the special editions as proving grounds for new talent is bearing fruit and I look forward to seeing more from the Lynch/Bove partnership in the pages of the regular Prog.

Robo Hunter by Alec Worley, Mark Simmons and Ellie De Ville

Another film parody and there's trouble in Brit Cit with its very own Iron Man. Worley handles the jokes with aplomb and once again Mark Simmons does a fine job with the black, white and greyscale artwork. His robots are particularly good and he nails Hoagy and Stogie perfectly. Great stuff.

Future Shocks: Dust by Gary Blatchford and John Higgins.

A brief but satisfying interlude that acts as a nice palate cleanser for the rest of the Prog. The problem with Future Shocks is that we're expecting a twist so we start looking for it from the first panel and this one is particularly easy to see coming. However to balance that out we have John Higgins apparently creating a whole new colour palate to depict an alien world with the skyscapes being especially notable.

Ace Trucking Co. by Eddie Robson, Nick Dyer and Annie Parkhouse.

More movie mayhem as Ace Garp gets embroiled with another Hollywood caper with plenty of comic support from GBH and Feek. It's difficult to compare anyone to the legendary Massimo Belardinelli but Dyer does a nice job with the weird aliens and also turns in a lovely depiction of the Speedo Ghost. There's a lot of detail in the panels and although the story flashes by pretty quickly but based on this I would like to see Robson and Dyer do another one.

Survival Geeks by Gordon Rennie, Emma Beeby, Neil Googe, Gary Caldwell and Ellie De Ville

This time the film reference is to Ringu which mainly acts to set up the next arc of this strip. It's beautifully illustrated and coloured but I still feel that it's too critical of geekdom to completely succeed. The artwork is sublime but the strip passed me by.

Rogue Trooper by Guy Adams, Darren Douglas and Simon Bowland.

And finally another film within a film as Rogue crashes through a piece of programmed propaganda. Another well told story that does the job nicely complemented by beautiful art by Douglas. There's no single stand out panel to match the action shot of Rogue firing towards the camera in last year's special but the use of colour and the depiction of the electric cage is brilliant. Maybe Rogue Trooper isn't going to return to the Prog but these one off stories are great.

Elsewhere in the Special there are images of the Robo Hunter action figure, another shot of that superb Greg Staples Dark Justice artwork, and a teaser for the return of Defoe later this year. I can hardly wait.

All round a very high quality summer special with Pick of the Prog going to the superlative teamwork of Carroll, Lynch and Bove on Dredd.

2000AD Prog 1935 vs Megazine 361 review

It's head to head time as the Prog drops at the same time as a jumping on issue of the Megazine, and there are some top thrills to compare.

Covers

Karl Richardson on Outlier vs Greg Staples' Dredd

Richardson supplies some creepy alien body horror in an arresting image. I like the use of the glowing green for the eyes and highlights instead of the standard alien blue that seems to be the colour of magic almost everywhere else these days. But when it comes to arresting nobody beats Dredd and there is no-one better at pulling together (sorry) a terrific cover than Staples. My only reservations would be the blue artex on the wall behind him which is a terrible decision by the decorator, and the rather chunky Planet Replicas gloves. Two smashing covers but Staples wins the point.

Result: 1-0 to the Megazine

Judge Dredd: Blood of Emeralds by Michael Carroll, Colin MacNeil, Chris Blythe and Annie Parkhouse vs El Maldito by Gordon Rennie, Carlos Ezquerra and Annie Parkhouse

I'm a bit confused by the opening pages in the Prog as Stonefish breaks free of his bonds requiring Dredd and Joyce to step in and shoot him, and then he's strapped back in the interrogation chair with a neat white plaster on his shoulder. It all seems to happen a bit fast and then Dredd is back on the street breaking heads with his suitable sardonic "Oh really?" to the knife wielder. However once they are on Irish soil the story runs much more smoothly and things are ramping up nicely. I trust Carroll's writing and look forward to next week's bar room punch up. Plus he gets his medical terminology correct, there really us a part of the brain called the Raphe nuclei. MacNeil and Blythe continue to deliver fantastic stuff, you really can't beat the way the lighting picks out Dredd's visor. Beautiful.

In the Megazine Gordon Rennie takes to a previously unexplored corner of the Dredd-verse but fortunately King Carlos is on hand to guide us with his trademark black jagged panel borders. There's also what may be his signature layout of a background figure firing at the camera or the bad guys immediately in front of it. Nobody can pull off this scene like Carlos and its a joy to see it crop up here. With regards to the story I'm intrigued enough to be looking forward to more although I almost wish they were able to use another senior Judge instead of Dredd who must be stretched pretty thin these days. But his name's in the comic title so he has to be in the first story and it's reassuring to see him sum up the situation in a few terse sentences.

Result: a tough call and I hate to vote against any story with Ezquerra art but I love Carroll and MacNeil's Irish adventure so the Prog gets the win and it's tied at 1-1

Absalom by Gordon Rennie, Tiernen Trevallion and Simon Bowland vs Demon Nic by Paul Grist and Phil Elliott

More of Rennie doing what he does best: putting sarky old Harry Absalom in the midst of a paranormal investigation and tapping up a few of his contacts to get the information he needs. Trevallion does lovely work with shadows and his panel layouts and it's charming to see that the holy terror assassin is a fan of the Dredd movie. Between them Rennie and Trevallion instantly plunge me into their dark and dreadful London and I can't fault this at all.

And talking of dark there's plenty of black space in the void around the characters of Demon Nic. Strangely I found the short lived character of the Priest far more interesting than the anti-hero of the piece who so far seems like a collection of weapons and kooky habits with the usual witty line in battling banter. I'm aware of Grist's previous work wothout having read any of it and it's certainly interesting but if the Priest had stayed around a bit longer I might have been more on board for this first chapter.

Result: an easy point for Absalom and it's 2-1 for the Prog

Slaine by Pat Mills, Simon Davis and Ellie De Ville vs Storm Warning by Leah Moore, John Reppion, Tom Foster, Kirsty Swan and Simon Bowland

The bad guy Sloughs his skin to become a Cyth lord while Darth Gort does the time warp as well. In between Slaine says his signature line and swings his mighty axe. Looks lovely but I'm still itching for next week's final episode.

Tom Foster and Kirsty Swan produce a lovely look for the first part of Storm Warning with some creepy images and fantastic lighting. Plus the title font recalls Bryan Talbot's Luther Arkwright comic and they also throw in a mighty "FOOOM" sound effect. The story of one Psi-Judge with a dodgy past being sent to recover a deadly artifact sounds familiar but I'm going to give this one some time because of the powerful artwork, and I'm also giving it the point over Slaine.

Result: 2-2

Outlier by T.C.Eglington, Karl Richardson and Annie Parkhouse vs Lawless by Dan Abnett, Phil Winslade and Ellie De Ville

Outlier gets right to it pulling Carcer off the PTSD ward and promising him a place on an investigation team heading for a captured Horde ship. It's a pretty good opener which promises quite a bit of the old ultra-violence and body horror for the coming story. Karl Richardson's muscular artwork looks terrific as well, and it's a convincing first episode.

There's promise of a bar room brawl in next week's Dredd but it's going to have to go some way to beat Winslade's fantastically detailed line work in Lawless. How long must it take him to produce these pages? OK, so the mild mannered accountant twist may have been done before but look at Lawson's knee length boots, her gloriously impractical hair, and just look at her bike. You can't go wrong with cowboys, or cowgirls, in space and this is absolutely splendid stuff from the Megazine.

Result: Winslade's art tips it in favour of the Meg, 3-2

Helium by Ian Edginton, D'Israeli and Ellie De Ville v Everything else in the Megazine put together.

And there was me thinking it was something else that turned your hair green. More details of the world below the cloud are revealed including some nasty looking Morlockian mutants while the Constable does that Rio Bravo thing of locking up the newcomer for his own protection and if I squint a bit I can almost see Walter Brennan playing Solace. The forum is divided as to whether this story is Ian Edginton retreading a familiar line or a wondrous new thrill for the Prog. It's perhaps not quite hitting the heady heights of Dredd and Absalom yet but it's still hugely entertaining, and it sure floats my boat (yes, I'm pleased with that one). Lovely to look at as well.

It's not fair to compare Helium to Finn which I don't like the look of and haven't read. The Meg's text pieces are OK but not fantastically interesting. Perhaps the best of the rest is the strange cut out reservation token to hand to your newsagent and reserve your copy. Nobody cuts up comics these days do they? Maybe Tharg just wants us to feel nostalgic for those halcyon days when we wouldn't dare speak to the seedy guy who ran the paper shop but might just pluck up the courage to poke our nose over the counter with a grubby slip of paper to secure a copy of the Galaxy's greatest comic. Still it is utterly charming and almost seals the win for the Meg but I'm going to give the point to Helium.

So it's another 3-3 tie and yes my scoring system sucks but it's a splendid day when these two land on my doormat. Top thrill is going to be Judge Dredd: Blood of Emeralds but Absalom and El Maldito both ran it close.

2000AD Prog 1934 review

Cover by Simon Davis

It's warp time with a third Simon Davis Slaine cover in quick succession and my least favourite of the three. It may all depend on your history with Slaine and his warp spasms but I don't particularly like this image. The rest of this Prog is a pretty good jumping on point but the abstract picture wouldn't attract me to pick it up off the shelf at Smiths. The painting technique is stunning but the image and Tharg's obvious pun seem weak. This one won't be making my top five of the year.

Droid Life by Cat Sullivan

I love the cartoon drawings style in Droid Life but I wish it had better jokes. At least the strip has moved on from the repetitive countdown bomb gag but the laugh level hasn't risen. Still they are cute looking droids.

I don't understand this week's Damage Report. Does this mean that Pye Parr first freelance job is for 2000AD again?

Judge Dredd by Michael Carroll, Colin MacNeil, Chris Blythe and Annie Parkhouse

This has got it all: a story by Michael Carroll, the fabulous noir inflected art of MacNeil, and the splendid return of Judge Fintan Joyce. One of the things that occasionally bugs me is when the other Judges from Justice department appear incompetent so it's nice to see that Fintan has excellent instincts, reflexes and self defence skills. Obviously he is not up to the standard of Dredd or former Sov-Judge Pax but at least he is on the ball, even if the assassin is literally too hot to handle.

I enjoyed MacNeil's excellent work on the recent Mega-City Confidential story and here he provides more of his characteristic impassive reflections in the Judge visors and from the ever present video screens. A lot of this is down to the superb colouring and lighting by Chris Blythe but it's lovely stuff from the pair of them. There are also some nice little details such as the delivery droid company's name A2B. Clearly the contents of his father's safety deposit box are going to drag Joyce along with Dredd back to the auld Emerald isle, and hopefully Pax will tag along as well. Maybe young Joyce will be embarking upon some kind of odyssey and the story will bloom from there. Whatever way this goes it's a great opening episode that has something for regular and new readers alike.

Absalom by Gordon Rennie, Tienan Trevallion and Simon Bowland

The return of Rennie's best creation for 2000AD with a splendid two page opening of demonic parkour before Inspector Absalom arrives at another weird crime scene and begins to do his stuff. Trevallion's black and white art is joyous and the only problem is that it's over too soon. I wish Tharg could have squeezed in another five pages to allow new readers to catch up with one of the best characters to grace the pages of the Prog in the last few years but hey-ho it's a five page limit for everyone apart from Dredd and completely new strips. Anyway it's great stuff, hopefully we will learn a bit more about the fate of Harry Absalom's grandchildren in this story.

Slaine by Pat Mills, Simon Davis and Ellie De Ville

This seems like the weakest installment of Slaine for a while. We've seen all of the magnificent Davis art by now and the small images of warped Slaine doing his thing just looked like a sprite from some crappy video game, or a horrible Conan parody. I'm not sure what is happening on the last two pages at all so I guess you can put me down in the "some don't know and will never know" category but I'm ready for Slaine to go away for a while now. Hopefully this wraps up next week.

Helium by Ian Edginton, D'Israeli and Ellie De Ville

A new strip by the Scarlet Traces team gets ten pages to introduce a strange world and a new story line. I'm a big fan of both Edginton and D'Israeli, I've met them both and they have signed many a comic and book for me and they are both splendid chaps with a long history of sterling work for Tharg. Hopefully this is going to be as good as Scarlet Traces or Leviathan but time will tell. For me it was a thoroughly enjoyable opener and the introduction of another interesting pair of characters in Constable Hodge and the steampunk mechanical revenant, Solace. Interestingly Hodge's gender is not an issue and we are more interested in the question that Edginton raises about her origin as an "outsider" in this airborne community. A very promising start.

Pick of the Prog is Dredd but Absalom and Helium look very good as well and if the Prog had just been those three thrills I would have been quite happy.

Future Shock

Here's another of my occasional short stories for the 2000AD forum competition. I quite like the creepy twist at the end which I confess I have borrowed from a short film I saw once. The names of the two housing blocks are nods to a famous comic book artist, Jose Ortiz, and to Mr Jim Moon who hosts the excellent Hypnobobs podcast about all manners of weird fiction.

“OK, Citizen Deets. Tell me again why you need rehousing. What exactly is wrong with your apartment?”

“I keep telling you. It’s haunted. Something terrible happened there.”

“Well we had Chaos day and the loss of nearly 60% of usable housing stock. Something terrible happened all over. You and your family were allocated a very desirable 2 bed con-apt in Jim Moon block. You should be happy to be here.”

“And I would be. I’d love to be happy here, but I get these haunting visions all the time. And it’s not just me, my wife and son know there’s something wrong as well. Jancis ain’t sleeping and Todd’s been having some behavioral issues. And it’s all to do with what happened in that apartment. You've got to move us.”

“These visions you've been getting. Talk me through them again.”

“It’s always the same. There’s this guy, He’s wearing one of those Mango computer store t-shirts and his badge says his name is Chip Mindy. He walks in through our front door. I can tell it’s our apartment, but the furniture is different. He lived there, he had keys, and I can see pictures of him and his family on his fridge. He sits down at his table with his head in his hands. Then he’s standing in the bedroom and there’s two little girls asleep in bunk beds. He’s got a bloody knife in his hand and there’s blood all over that blue t-shirt. He steps over to the sleeping girls and he ... you know.”

“He kills the two girls? Look Mr Deets. We've been through this already. We have complete records for this block and for your apartment in particular and there’s no Chaos day gaps or anything. No family named Mindy has ever lived here, not anywhere in this block. And Justice department have no crime file answering that description. You’re just having some very imaginative dreams.”

“They're not dreams, I’m awake when I see him, they’re ghosts or something. I’m telling you something horrible happened there and I won’t have my family in that place for one more night.”

“OK, Mr Deets. Let me chat with my supervisor. We’ll see what we can do and I’ll be right back.”

He rose from his seat and walked down the corridor to the housing manager’s office.

“Steven, how’s it going with that Deets guy from 14B? Has he calmed down yet?
”
“Afraid not, Boss. He’s been in here every day for two weeks. We’re going to have to move him.”

“Yeah, I thought it might come to that. Well this is his lucky day. We've had a transfer request from a family in Jose Ortiz block. The husband wants to be nearer to work. Looks like a straight swap. You start the paperwork for Deets, ship them over to Ortiz and I’ll speak to the guy there. Guess we've just made the Mindys' day.”

“Wait. Mindy? The new family is called Mindy?”

“Yeah. Why, do you know them?”

2000AD Prog 1933

Cover
Richard Elson solves the problem of showing everyone's front view in a shoot out by giving us this unusual angle on Dredd. The anatomy is much better than on the current Megazine cover and although Dredd completely dominates one side of the cover and the title I find it pretty effective. Good job those wrist band guys are such rubbish shots though. Inside there's news of the latest merchandise from Rebellion for those who want to sit on Dredd's face, or slop beer on him which probably comes with some cube time.

Judge Dredd: Breaking Bud by John Wagner, Richard Elson and Annie Parkhouse
Wagmner and Elson wrap up the final part of the time travelling cops story with an illustration of how instinctively good Dredd is, and how the rest of the Justice department just can't quite cut it. Johnny Vegas makes his highly publicised appearance and it all wraps up with one wrist device still in the Mega-City. Wagner makes this all look as effortless as ever and Elson's use of colour, particularly in the flashback sequences is fantastic. I wondered if the time travel agents and the ridiculously powerful wrist bands might create another lie detector problem for Wagner but based on this story and the Dead Zone from the Megazine it would seem that the master can do no wrong. Another solid Dredd story and next week we have the return of Judge Joyce and some Colin MacNeil artwork to look forward to.

Slaine by Pat Mills, Simon Davis and Ellie De Ville
Gort communes with Guledigs while Slaine and Sinead head into trouble but there's the mother of all warp spasms coming. I'm a bit muddled by Mills' story but the painted artwork by Davis is just glorious. As comic fans we love the visuals and this is a treat for the eyes. I wonder how far in advance Simon has to start work on this in time for it to appear in the Prog. Lovely stuff although I do wish Sinead had time to change into a more practical outfit.

Future Shocks by INJ Culbard and Annie Parkhouse
I read a Neil Gaiman short story recently about a guy whose imaginary girlfriend started to contact him on Facebook and I thought Culbard might be onto something similar. Instead he goes with a Matrix style twist where our reality may be the result of the sabotage of a Retcon engine. It's pretty interesting stuff and Culbard's art is impressive although I'd rather see him creating the clockwork worlds of Brass Sun, or his monstrous adaptations of Lovecraft than just some guys in hoodies. However on the basis of this story I would be very happy for Tharg to give him another Future Shock soon.

Tharg's 3Rillers: Commercial Break by Eddie Robson, Mike Collins, Gary Caldwell and Ellie De Ville
On the other hand I don't really want to read any more stories about the Jennotech stickle bricks or whatever was going on in this one. It is a tricky task to capture our attention in a fifteen page story and this one didn't grab me. It's all neatly executed but the combination of story and art did nothing for me and I blinked past it. Sorry.

Strontium Dog by John Wagner, Carlos Ezquerra and Simon Bowland.
Fortunately a Prog that started with two 2000AD masters finishes with a bang from the best combination in the history of the comic. Johnny Alpha completes the Stix job and there's plenty of action as all the loose ends get wrapped up. This final installment is topped and tailed by two superlative splash pages showing that Ezquerra can still produce the goods. Reading Wagner and Ezquerra is like watching Barcelona win the European cup except that I'd rather swap shirts with John or Carlos than Messi or Neymar. Hopefully completing this job has restored Johnny's moral compass and ended his suicidal urges. Now he just needs to get the old gang back together and we can have plenty more Strontium Dog stories before the Wagner /Ezquerra team finally reach that often talked about retirement.

Pick of the Prog by quite some way is the dynamic duo's work on Strontium Dog. A very strong issue this week, Mr Tharg.