Saturday, July 12, 2014

The Day the Whore Cried

Next up was a shorty story competition themed on sex and the "Bom chicka wah wah" moments from 2000AD. My title is another weak joke based on the title of a famous Dredd story and you may recognise this Judge caught unawares just before he appears in the Judge Child saga. Readers with a low disapproval threshold for smut should look away now.

As soon as he knocked the door was yanked open.

“Good day, Citizen. I have a report of ...”

The man wearing the loud shirt and a viewfinder around his neck grabbed his arm and hurried him into the room.

“There you are. What time do you call this? Come in, come in. Nice costume. You look perfect. Love the moustache. Remind me to give the agency a raise. Well talking of raises let’s get to it.”

“Err, Citizen, there seems to be some mis....”

“Method actor eh? No problem. OK, Judge, this is Lola. Say hello, Lola”

“Hi, Sweetie.”

“Lola knows exactly what I want. Let her take the lead. We’ll start with the basics and then some close ups and the usual variations. All you have to do is keep your end up as it were. Speaking of which have you had your LP?”

“LP?”

“LP. Long play, darling. Grud, you are a real newbie aren’t you? Never mind here we go, get a sniff of this”

He pulled an aerosol from his pocket and squirted something up the Judge’s nostrils.

“Interfering with a Judge’s lawful business is a cr...

What have you done to me? Feel ... dizzy. I ... need ... to lie down.”

Lola giggled. “No, Sweetie. That’s my line.”

“OK. He looks ready. Let’s get this show on the road. And ... action!”

A Hover-cam whirred into the air while Lola stepped towards him.

“Oh my, Judge. You’re so big. I’ve been such a bad girl. Are you going to arrest me?”

The Judge looked confused.

“You ... want to make a ... confession?”

“Oh yes! Are you going to take down my particulars? My what a big daystick you have, or are you just pleased to see me? Oh handcuffs? Well if you insist. I promise not to come quietly.”

The Judge staggered slightly, suddenly Lola didn’t seem to be wearing very many clothes. The hover-cam moved in closer and started to play slightly out of tune music.

“Here, Sweetie, let me help you with that. See how easily this zipper comes down. My, what a big helmet you have, Judge. It just makes a girl’s mouth water.”

Suddenly his radio buzzed.

“Control to Lopez. Come in, Lopez”

“Cut. Cut! Why on earth have you got a real radio? What’s going on here, newbie?”

The Judge shook his head and tried to focus.

“Control, this is Lopez.”

“Lopez, head to the Spaceport immediately. You are to report to Judge Dredd on board Justice 1 for an off-world mission. Priority one.”

“Roger that, Control. Lopez responding.”

Lopez zipped himself back into his uniform, plucked the hover-cam from the air and ejected the memory chip. He turned to face the two bewildered and terrified citizens.

“Hmmmm. Well, let’s consider this a warning for now.”

As he walked to the elevator Lopez made a mental note about his susceptibility to psychoactive drugs. Better discuss that with the medic when he got back from whatever Dredd had planned for him.

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